VW and I used to do this thing when we worked together.
No, not THAT thing, a different thing. We worked about fifteen feet apart and could see each other and talk at normal levels, but there was something about email that set us both off. It didn't take much for one or the other of us to report some little tidbit or other to set the other off on a tangent and then we'd try and see which of us could be stranger.
We still do that, now that we work several miles apart but not nearly as often. Being on two different work wavelengths must do that to a body. Anyway, here's what we managed recently:
From: Irrelephant
Sent: Wednesday, January 28, 2009 4:11 PM
To: Vulgar Wizard
Subject: Re: Obsession.
The new scent from Budweiser.
From: Vulgar Wizard
Sent: Wednesday, January 28, 2009 4:11 PM
To: Irrelephant
Subject: Re: Obsession.
What??!?!?!
Irr: I don’t know, I’m reaching here.
Just runnin’ my mouth. *G* Haven’t been able to accomplish anything today, figured I’d just run on at the head.
VW: Woooowwww.
Irr: The local just passed carrying two center-spine lumber cars, then about a jillion boxcars, then a center spine lumber car. *shrug*
VW: Then a spineless jellyfish . . .
Irr: Then an oblong llama.
VW: Then a bearded fat lady singing.
Irr: Then a clean-shaven emaciated guy mumbling poetry.
VW: Then R.A. on two wheels with a flaming ostomy.
Irr: Then an elephant precisely balanced on the border of Poland and Russia.
VW: And THEEEENNNN a little man with a big shovel and a kilt for some odd reason.
Irr: And then behind him an even smaller man with a smaller shovel and a kilt (also smaller.)
So, my question now becomes--what would YOU put next?
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Holiday Treats
VW and I were email chatting like we always do, and I texted her a photo of some artfully arranged Xmas colour M&M's. When she suggested that I'd get MRSA from them (my Sweaty Fat Rolls co-worker has a child who seems to STAY with MRSA breakouts) I wrote back:
Mmmmm...I'd like more of those M & MRSA’s. They necrotize your mouth, not your hands.
Mmmmm...I'd like more of those M & MRSA’s. They necrotize your mouth, not your hands.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Carnies
Irrelephant: Window Witch.
Vulgar Wizard: WHAT?!?!!?
Irr: *lol* SFR. She’s a Window Witch now that I’m back in my cubbyhole.
VW: OIC! Not the best people greeter?
Irr: Quite the other problem —- she trapped a marketer up front for almost half an hour talking about her kids and so forth. I could HEAR him trying to get out but she never stopped. It was sad, and pathetic, and smelled like desperation, weed, sunshine and farts.
VW: So, what you're telling me is, she's a carnie?
Irr: Mebbe. She’s certainly disgusting enough to be one. And has the accent and the education and the MRSA.
VW: Ew, she has MRSA now? Couldn't stop picking her son's scabs, eh?
Irr: *yarf*
No, I was just being sick, but you won that round.
VW: Nice. Cheetal Bals victory for me!
Vulgar Wizard: WHAT?!?!!?
Irr: *lol* SFR. She’s a Window Witch now that I’m back in my cubbyhole.
VW: OIC! Not the best people greeter?
Irr: Quite the other problem —- she trapped a marketer up front for almost half an hour talking about her kids and so forth. I could HEAR him trying to get out but she never stopped. It was sad, and pathetic, and smelled like desperation, weed, sunshine and farts.
VW: So, what you're telling me is, she's a carnie?
Irr: Mebbe. She’s certainly disgusting enough to be one. And has the accent and the education and the MRSA.
VW: Ew, she has MRSA now? Couldn't stop picking her son's scabs, eh?
Irr: *yarf*
No, I was just being sick, but you won that round.
VW: Nice. Cheetal Bals victory for me!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Clarity
Today's email hijinks--
What I wrote:
From: Irrelephant
Sent: Friday, November 21, 2008 1:06 PM
To: Sweaty Fat Rolls
Cc: Business Office Manager
Subject: Patient schedule conflict, FYI
Patient X's caregiver called fifteen minutes before noon looking for their “aide” and her schedule, as ‘they had somewhere to be.’ I told caregiver I would contact the agent and have them call with ETA. Checked the schedule: Patient X does not have aides, nor are aides ordered. Spoke to (our Occupational Therapist,) who said she has been refused and told not to return to pt’s house. Spoke to (Our LPN) who has already completed today’s visit for patient. Tried to call patient back, phone did not answer, no answering machine.
Irrelephant, credentials
Very Big Home Health
phone number
fax number
my email address
“There is work ahead but much joy. There is joy ahead but much work.”
~anon
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What SHE replied:
From: Sweaty Fat Rolls
Sent: Friday, November 21, 2008 1:02 PM
To: Irrelephant
Cc: Business Office Manager
Subject: RE: Patient schedule conflict, FYI
I tried to call patient and no answer. This patient doesn’t have aide as you already I feel the patient is confused/caregiver. I will try to get them again later today. Thanks for the email
Sweaty Fat Rolls
Credentials
Very Big Home Health
phone
Uhm...can I buy a coherent sentence, Pat?
Caveat--working with a moronic fatass who brags that she had four years of high school and "she's dund with that" will make you want to hurt someone bad.
What I wrote:
From: Irrelephant
Sent: Friday, November 21, 2008 1:06 PM
To: Sweaty Fat Rolls
Cc: Business Office Manager
Subject: Patient schedule conflict, FYI
Patient X's caregiver called fifteen minutes before noon looking for their “aide” and her schedule, as ‘they had somewhere to be.’ I told caregiver I would contact the agent and have them call with ETA. Checked the schedule: Patient X does not have aides, nor are aides ordered. Spoke to (our Occupational Therapist,) who said she has been refused and told not to return to pt’s house. Spoke to (Our LPN) who has already completed today’s visit for patient. Tried to call patient back, phone did not answer, no answering machine.
Irrelephant, credentials
Very Big Home Health
phone number
fax number
my email address
“There is work ahead but much joy. There is joy ahead but much work.”
~anon
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What SHE replied:
From: Sweaty Fat Rolls
Sent: Friday, November 21, 2008 1:02 PM
To: Irrelephant
Cc: Business Office Manager
Subject: RE: Patient schedule conflict, FYI
I tried to call patient and no answer. This patient doesn’t have aide as you already I feel the patient is confused/caregiver. I will try to get them again later today. Thanks for the email
Sweaty Fat Rolls
Credentials
Very Big Home Health
phone
Uhm...can I buy a coherent sentence, Pat?
Caveat--working with a moronic fatass who brags that she had four years of high school and "she's dund with that" will make you want to hurt someone bad.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Cannonball Butt Plug
Vulgar Wizard: RA just told me, his supervisor, another counselor, and his new assistant that he lied to the consumer who's actually in the hallway making his way to RA's office in his own wheelchair, because "I just like picking on him. I have him thinking he's getting a hearing aid that fits over his whole ear." So, he enjoys picking on people with disabilities now . . . because he's known this guy for 20 years, and he's in a wheelchair and needs a hearing aid, it's all fun and games?
I hope the guy punches him.
Irrelephant: So wait, RA said this where the client could HEAR him? Oh gods I hope he’s not THAT deaf…I hope he heard the whole thing and reports him way up the line.
VW: He is, and he won't . . . Now RA is through with the guy and he's down the hall bitching about him.
Irr: *weep*
VW: I wish he'd retire.
Irr: I wish he’d roll into an open elevator shaft.
VW: I wish he'd roll under a beer truck.
Irr: I wish he’d bathe in chum and go bobbing in the Gulf of Mexico.
VW: I wish he'd paint his face, tie strings to his feet, and make himself a puppet show.
Irr: I wish he’d put on pink spandex, a feather boa and some buttchaps and roll hisself into Angola’s dayyard singing “I Gotta Be Me.”
VW: I wish he'd join the Village People and call himself "Speedy."
Irr: I wish he’d smother himself in KY, wedge himself into a cannon and have himself shot into Elaine’s arsehole.
VW: NICE. You win. Cheetah Balls.
I hope the guy punches him.
Irrelephant: So wait, RA said this where the client could HEAR him? Oh gods I hope he’s not THAT deaf…I hope he heard the whole thing and reports him way up the line.
VW: He is, and he won't . . . Now RA is through with the guy and he's down the hall bitching about him.
Irr: *weep*
VW: I wish he'd retire.
Irr: I wish he’d roll into an open elevator shaft.
VW: I wish he'd roll under a beer truck.
Irr: I wish he’d bathe in chum and go bobbing in the Gulf of Mexico.
VW: I wish he'd paint his face, tie strings to his feet, and make himself a puppet show.
Irr: I wish he’d put on pink spandex, a feather boa and some buttchaps and roll hisself into Angola’s dayyard singing “I Gotta Be Me.”
VW: I wish he'd join the Village People and call himself "Speedy."
Irr: I wish he’d smother himself in KY, wedge himself into a cannon and have himself shot into Elaine’s arsehole.
VW: NICE. You win. Cheetah Balls.
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